I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
