She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
