I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So squirting runs in the family.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
