If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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