I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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