your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
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I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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