Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
