We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
