If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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