That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
