capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
