I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
