Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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