I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
