Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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