oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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