it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
