EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize