We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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