How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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