If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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