mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
