my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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