he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
