He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
