you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm bleeding and have questions
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
