fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
