If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
