i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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