How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
