don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
