I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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