Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
