It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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