She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
