I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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