You can't motorboat a personality
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
