dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My vagina is very pro this idea
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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