The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
