i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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