Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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