Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
