I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
