Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
