the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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