Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
