nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
