All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
