as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
