Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
