this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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