So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
