Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize