I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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