Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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