i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
