As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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