Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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