well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
