where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just google imaged poop.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
