I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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