I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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