well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
