She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
