Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
