i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
