he wants to bone in the snuggie
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
