i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
3 2 1 whiskey
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
