i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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