operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
