at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
